I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
