Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
