So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Randomize
