dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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