im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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