Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize