I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
