Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
