The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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