Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
