why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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