He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
