whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
