One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
