I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
