Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
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