I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
