soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
