why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
