It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
