Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
