He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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