It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
