Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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