that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
