just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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