last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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