we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
