sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
