There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
So drunk its hurt
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
