I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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