dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
