Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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