How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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