ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
