I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
