We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
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