trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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