if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
My vagina is very pro this idea
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
