Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
