never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
