you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
