there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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