he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
