Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
