sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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