Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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