I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
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