I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
