Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
