I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
