Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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