So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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