After last night, I could never be a politician.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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