Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
