You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
