I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
