You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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