my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
