so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
foreskin is a definite game changer
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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